father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.

   Maury told me "You are Not the father"... That just made my day!

   Whatever happens, Never agree to teach a girl how to ride a bike with her father watching..

   Happy Father's Day to all the single mothers who do both roles due to dead beat dads.

   Three times when it is OK for a man to cry: At your father's funeral, when a heroic dog dies saving his master, and when Mr. Happy gets caught in your zipper.

   Ryan Lochte is going to be a father, which proves that no matter how stupid you may be, it only takes one strong swimmer to get somebody pregnant.

   In the spirit of Father's Day, my best advice to you: "Keep your "business" in your pants, and always wash your hands".

   Star Wars (1977) An epic tale of a pair of gay robots teamed up with incestous siblings to help them destry their father's midlife crisis toy.

   Guess who's not getting anything for father's day....Bruce Jenner

   Our Father who art in Saint Louis, Baseball be thy game. Thy will be done, the NL Division will be won, on the field, as well as in the bullpen. Give us this day our bat and our glove, and forgive us our errors, as we forgive those who home-run against us

   Before I get drunk, I wanna wish everyone a happy father's day.

   Donald Trump's father's favorite song was "This Land is my Land, This Land is my Land."

   Well then you'll never be the girl your father is.

   A wise man once told me, "You are not the father"! Thanks Maury!

   I'm not sure who needs to hear this but Walmart sells Father's Day cards in packs of five.

   Bless me father for I have sinned, my last confession was over 3 years- oh damn the roof is caving in HELLLPPPPP!"

   Take the name of your first pet and add the street that your first pet got ran over on to get your step father's Tinder name.

   hoping no kids wish me a happy father's day today.

   your first Baby's father doesnt count. that was just checking if you can have kids

   happy father's day to all my daddy's... no homo though