Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 162 of 6389
This lifelong football fan now has an extra 3 hours to do projects and other tasks like shopping on Sundays from now on.
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09-13-2020 09:47
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When a “Baby On Board” sticker is a little faded and beat up you know the kid is at least a year or two old now and the car is safe to ram
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10-02-2020 13:37
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Facebook is mostly poIitics, pet lovers and dysfunctional insecure model wannabes.
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10-07-2020 03:27
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As I recall, A large part of parenting is pretending you don’t smell anything weird
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10-13-2020 07:55
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Lost my pizza cutter. So I used my Bryan Adam's C.D It cuts like a knife
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10-16-2020 11:18
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Decaf is the handjob of coffee.
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05-09-2018 05:08
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Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
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05-15-2018 03:09
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I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
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06-02-2018 17:23
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DAY 126 WITHOUT SEX, I'VE LOST THE HEARING IN MY RIGHT EYE
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06-07-2018 15:12
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The kid next door is outside banging on a metal bucket in his front yard ..... time to go mow my gravel driveway.
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06-12-2018 09:40
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With the rise in self-driving vehicles it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where the guy's pickup truck leaves him too.
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06-18-2018 10:30
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Alexa, what the hell are these Asian ladies saying about me in this nail salon?
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07-05-2018 02:29
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In a galaxy 40 billion light years away some alien dude is saying, “but I’m not like the other guys,” while an alien lady rolls all 37 of her eyes.
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07-08-2018 00:30
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I’ll smash someone’s car window on a hot day if I see they’ve left a chocolate bar melting inside.
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08-10-2018 03:33
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"This isn't my first rodeo." -Me, at my second rodeo
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08-29-2018 09:00
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My sandal invention for people with one leg turn out to be a flop.
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09-08-2018 00:35 by Haha
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Today's Tip of the Day:Taste your words before you spit them out.
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09-10-2018 06:51
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As soon as the new iPhone was announced, a weird thing happened. My old iPhone started begging for its life.
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09-10-2018 06:53
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Bean bag chairs are venus fly traps for anyone over 40
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09-14-2018 01:25
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Apparently it's inappropriate to show up at your therapist's home to swim in his new pool even though your "boundary issues" paid for it.
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09-17-2018 07:46
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