life Funny Status Messages

   Facebook: You already know a person by looking at his/her profile even if you never met or talked to that person in your entire life

   Be England what she will,with all her faults she's my country still. Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life. HAPPY ST GEORGE's DAY

   It's important to have goals in life. When you want to get something accomplished, the majority of your energy should be focused on accomplishing that goal. That's why everything I do is about trying to get laid.

   Life is all about a card game. Choosing the right cards is not in our hand. But playing well with the cards in hand, determines our success.

   Nice try, New Testament. The only things that can die and come back to life are zombies and Robert Downey’s acting career.

   I want a Life Alert necklace,,,, but instead of calling an ambulance it orders me a pizza

   Build a man a fire, he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

   When life gives you LIMES rearrange the letters until they say SMILE.

   After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eats the male. Guess she knows it's easier to claim life insurance rather than child support.

   Cortana dies at the end of Halo 4. There, I just saved you 6 hours of your life.

   5.Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   I stick to the script, I memorize the lines Cause life is a movie that I've seen too many times

   Seems like life had more meaning back when pluto was still a planet. Now I don't really know what to live for anymore...Live for that next beer, perhaps?

   Take the chance, live out your dreams, make life better than it seems.

   If you are living your life without giving an "f", You are living a li[ ]e .

   When somebody says you've changed, it's only because you stopped living your life their way.

   I'm not talking about Facebook, I want to know how to block you in real life.

   sure dude, you can have a smoke, and i'll light it for you, but tell me, have you ever even bought a pack of cigs in your entire life...oh its ok..yeah, I kno, you'll buy me a pack..ok yea

   Scientific fact: Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. You're welcome all my future 120 yr old FB friends!!!

   Purposely wearing white today... the thug life continues.