Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Amazed to hear Hooter's had a free wings for mom on Mother's Day because nothing makes mom prouder than letting her know she raised a cheapskate and a perv.

   Got my passport application forms back today. Apparently in the Place of Birth section:"between my mother's legs" isn't an acceptable answer!!!

   A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing, but do a mother.

   The worst part about watching porn on your smart phone is getting interrupted by texts from your mother...

   Mother in law said if she was married to me, she’d poison my wine. I said if I was married to her, I’d drink it.

   I'm calling child protective services on Mother Nature.

   It’s President Obama’s birthday. I can’t believe it’s been 61 years since his mother forged his birth certificate.

   Instead of getting periods, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying 'you're not pregnant have a nice day!'

   After pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom...I had fallen asleep while taking a dump...

   Why not just call her NORTH POLE because following in the footsteps of her mother KIM she is destined to be a stripper.

   In the next verse of the song, the mother of the 5 Little Monkeys receives a massive doctor’s bill.

   They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak

   Why did Adam and Eve have the perfect marriage?..... Because neither one of them had a mother in-law.

   Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is!!

   So apparently I'm getting judged on the weekend... like how I get judged by human beings everyday... including my mother.... and my mother is much more scary....

   I just found out my mother-in-law is going to be staying with us for the Thanksgiving Weekend. Well, it looks like I have to clean out the hall closet again.....she is going to need somewhere to hang upside down and sleep

   My mother now has Gchat. You will no longer know how inappropriate my thoughts are via status updates. Today my status is "I like studying and Jesus."

   Shout out to all the moms who spent their whole Mother's Day thinking and worrying, "If this dummy ever asks for a paternity test, I can kiss the good life goodbye”

   My mother in-law is so ugly, even a boiling tea kettle won't give her a whistle.

   Ted Mosby, in the year 2030, told the story of how he met his children’s mother and HE NEVER MENTIONED THE CORONAVIRUS ONCE