life Funny Status Messages

   Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   We now have cable TV shows entitled, "Cooking With Honey Boo Boo". My life is clearly over..........

   I bet the best day of a "fun" building inspector's life is when a tin roof is rusted

   Anyone else impressed with the clown with no life who beefed up his "likes" to over 4,000 over a lame chicken joke. Oh, to be 9 again.

   I called the book store and asked for some new book I had heard about on improving one's s€x life. The clerk said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." I go, "Yep, that's the one!"

   Dear Real Life, why don't you have background music?

   When life becomes boring it simply mean you're not living it right.

   Where are all these hot women in actual real life that I see on facebook?

   life's hard, get a helmet!

   You came into my life for a reason and that reason is...can you grab me another beer while you're up?

   When I first noticed you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

   To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

   life is like the Mets I just can't win

   quotes, "Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?" ~ Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

   OMG. A real girl in real life just tried to talk to me. I didn't know what to say, so I asked her what her zodiac sign was. That's good, right?

   wishes she was as funny in real life as she is on facebook

   Football season is a lot like my se(x) life....except for I actually care when football season is coming.

   Life Observation: No matter where I live, my neighborhood has NEVER been even remotely the first stop on the mailman's post route.

   U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown

   Since that very first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew in that moment that I wanted to spend the rest of my life... avoiding you.