love Funny Status Messages

   What I love best about sex with a married woman is wiping myself off with her husband's clean underwear!

   Teacher: If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him, what virtue will I be showing? Student: Brotherly love!

   I hate people who make me nervous! Oh but I love making people nervous!

   midgets who are actors and actresses must love the Xmas season. every movie or commercial that remotely deals with Santa has at least 2000 of em'

   Seriously. Don't you just love it when someone hits you up on facebook chat and your WiFi goes out?

   X is I'm a good boyfriend..I always talk to her, play with her, touch her buttons...I definitely turn her on... I love you Xbox.

   I love following women who write inspirational tweets because, you know...chubby girls.

   I love this new Pope...He is so different! I dont even think he's not even Christian. He excommunicated Italian Mafias on Mafia war. He's like Go to chruch...or nah! hashtag whateves!

   ...U.S. combat in Iraq officially over. I love Pres. Obama! He's the ONLY black guy I know who's kept his withdrawal promise!

   Life is about friends and family, nothing else matters. it all boils down to how you've impacted those in your circle. The sacrifices you make along the way will be your true legacy . LIVE, LOVE, LEARN.

   Kids don't like meatloaf…but add some candles kids love meat cake….

   Woke up this morning on a hotel room floor laying on a make-shift bed I made entirely out of a tuxedo and towels. Still not quite sure where my pants are. God I love weddings.

   No one will ever love you as much as I don't.

   I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?

   They say fat people need love too. No they need a DIET!

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take Hillary too..

   I dry hump my mattress because I love my bed so much.

   to love or not to love....theres no question :-)

   Make sure you've got something of yourself left over for the ones that love you. 3 replies 65 retweets 121 likes

   Listen, gorgeous... I love you so much I would suck out the venom if a poisonous snake bit you on the ass. But, I'm sorry, I won't swallow.