life Funny Status Messages

   as many times as I've been called "that mother f*cker" in my life, I better be getting a Mother's Day card and gift too.

   Life is like a box of chocolates, why is this box of chocolates yelling at me?

   You got to live life on both sides of the coin, you never know which side its going to land on

   Finding your purpose in life is kind of like finding the G-Spot. Nobody needs to tell you, you'll know when you find it.

   It took me 20 years to figure out that pop tarts taste better in the toaster. It was truly a life changing experience.

   I have to take a dump, but my iPhone battery life is at 5%

   Get off goddamn Internet, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back. :)

   Relationships are like drugs. They either kill you or give you the best feeling of your life.

   Never forget to love your family.. because when everyone is in and out of your life, family is always there

   Adulthood is just piles of bills and trying to convince your exes how amazing you're life is.

   It's true. Girls just want to have fun. And ruin your life in the process.

   Let’s all join hands and remember the Golden Rule of Life: Do not feed the trolls.

   There is no polite way to suggest to someone that they have devoted their life to a folly.

   In some countries, DEATH is nature’s way of limiting presidential terms in office. You wanted to be a president for life, and now your wish is granted Mr Chavez.

   You know your life is disappointing when you wake up and your first thought is, "Crap, still here."

   If you’re depressed and hate your life just remember you’re not alone. We all hate your life too.

   Churches-Some of the most beautiful ornate building that house the most ugly & bitter people that hate life & want you to hate it too

   I'm being really funny in real life so I don't have the time to write it all down for you guys

   just dipped a banana into a jar of natural peanut butter and the end broke off and sank to the bottom. ...just in case anyone wants to get me a new jar of peanut butter ...or some meds ...or a life.

   Hmmm,,, So all the instruments used to find "intelligent life" pointed "AWAY" from earth???,,,,, Yeah,, that makes sense...