life Funny Status Messages

   Mini Me was only 49. He lived a short life.

   A lawyer and a Priest are in a boat with three young boys, the boat gets a leak and is sinking fast. There are only 3 life jackets. Priest says, " we need to let the boys have these, " Lawyer," Screw those boys" Priest says " Is there time for that?"

   I think if I ever win the lottery I'm gonna get all my ex girlfriends incorporated into a life size whack-a-mole game.

   I think one of the greatest regrets I'm going to have later on in life is that I've never participated in a Harlem Shake video...

   If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship... Get ya life in order before you try to share it with someone else.

   When life knocks you down...Calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, "You hit like a b!tch"

   Life is all about ass, everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one :)

   Rather than wasting time preparing to go to heaven when you die, how about joining us in celebrating and enjoying life here on earth.

   Justin Bieber was shot last night!!! Well, on an episode of CSI. If only art could imitate real life for once, this would be the time!

   So it's okay to kill hookers in video games, but smack one around in real life because you want to negotiate the price and suddenly everyone gets all pissy. Geeze.

   Admit it, at one time in your life you went a public washroom and didnt wash your hands after because nobody else would see you

   What if Deja Vu means you lost a life and started at the last checkpoint

   I'll be your life coach. Stand up straight. Don't ever wear that in public. Speak properly. That will be 800 dollars. Cash.

   Don't take life laying down. That is, unless you're a prostitute. . .

   Never faked a sarcasm in my life.

   Some girls put more effort into naming their Facebook photo albums than I put into my life.

   In life you don't have to have a certain number of friends, you just need a number of friends you can be certain of.

   In my next life, I pray Zinggers don't taste so good.

   Remember give everything a chance.. That way later in life you can look back and say you give it a shot..

   You stopped at a gas station for a pee break? C'mon, Ryan Lochte ,,, you spent 90 percent of your life in a public pool.