Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That rather uneasy moment when your Arab friend says, "I'm the bomb!

   If I could put one thing in the U.S. Constitution, it would be "In order to wear Yoga Pants, one must have a Yoga Body."

   Does anyone know the name of that rap song where they talk about weed and b!tches?

   Condom says to Tampax.."You put me outta Business for 1 week a month. Tampax says to Condom..."If you don't do your job I lose mine for 9 months."

   I don't consider myself.. 'SINGLE & ALONE' I consider myself ' INDEPENDENT & AVAILABLE :3~)

   All in all, this is just another... post on my wall

   You're skin is such a nice orange, what ethnicity are you? Carrot, perhaps?,

   At some point a man realizes he's better off with a sane 6 or 7 than a crazy 9 or 10.

   My worst 3 subjects in school we're Math and English.

   Chicken strips because Chicken never knew her father.

   Firetrucks & ambulances would be far more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song "Move B*tch" by Ludacris

   Dodged another windshield today.....BUG LIFE.

   Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending.

   I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow..

   If more females would sit down and be ladies more males would stand up and be gentleman.

   PMS is just women ovary acting.

   maybe they should make a game for your phone where you can shoot women into the air with a slingshot and try to destroy everything men say and call it ANGRY B*TCHES

   When I want to show off my best curves, I smile.

   Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

   When someone gives you the finger, Look them straight in the eye and say "you know, there's a pile of crap behind EVERY bird"