life Funny Status Messages

   No, my status is not about you. I have other important things in my life.

   My life is like 1-ply toilet paper..I get the job done but I have no idea how.

   It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest of your life.

   If you thought your life sucked after I honked at you, wait till I throw up my arms in displeasure.

   My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.

   Truly having the 'heart of a child' will lead you to a toothless life of homelessness.

   Just accidentally kicked myself in the balls trying to get comfortable on the couch in case you're looking for a life coach.

   You will NEVER find the love of your life, if YOU ARE the love of your life.

   Life has to be about more than just solving problems

   The sheep lives its whole life in fear of the wolf only to be eaten by the shepherd...

   I can't get over how intelligent smartphones are getting as mine just filmed a 20-minute documentary about itself all on its own about its life in a pocket.

   If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.

   A cool way to second guess your entire life is to go online and read reviews of every movie you think is awesome.

   Life is nothing but anticipation followed by feelings of nostalgia for times that really weren't all that great.

   I've just spent the last 5 hours on mine craft accomplishing more than I ever will in real life

   Life's a garden. Bury your enemies in it.

   I love how some people ignore the train wreck that is my life and actually try to ask me for advice with a straight face.

   choosing the perfect podcast to listen to for the 20 second walk taking the trash out so I don’t accidentally exist in silence for a single moment of my life

   Genie: *transforms me into a turtle* oh wait, did you say eternal life? Me: *from inside shell* yeah no this is better

   I hate when people say that ... "life is short" ..... . What the heck??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! ..... What can you do that's longer?