life Funny Status Messages

   When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!

   5 Stages of Life: 1. Just a kid. 2. Don’t want to be a kid. 3. Afraid you’re still a kid. 4. Definitely not a kid. 5. Wish you were a kid.

   Life is a comedy for those who think, a tragedy for those who feel, and a pie eating contest for me.

   If you must have religion in your life, choose the best religion: Kindness.

   Always smile and laugh in spite of your problems because this is the only life you will ever have and your problems won't matter anymore when you are dead.

   With the "You've Won The Nigerian Lottery" to these "Libido Sex Pill Enhancer" emails I should be leading quite the life.

   Music has charms to soothe the savage breast ...... it can lift you higher then the sky , make you sad or even cry but what it does is it can make life worth living.....

   Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

   I made this status nice and short so you can just move on with your life.

   My kid sent me a text asking to buy him some decaf, certified organic coffee... I wished him good luck in life.. I'll miss him.

   My doctor told me to start killing people....well not exactly in those words. He said I need to reduce stress in my life.

   Living life with the safety off.

   I should at some point in my life learn to cook for one..I only know how to cook for ten or more..spaghetti anyone?

   SUSAN: You spent our entire life savings on dogs?? Me: They're golden retrievers, Susan... They retrieve gold,, I did it for us

   Whatever you do in this life, you should always give it 100 percent, unless you're donating blood.

   the earlier you start doing anything in your life, the less it affects you as you grow older...

   Some people in my life are as useless as the "AY" in "OKAY", but once in awhile I like to take the time to spell things out so I need em..

   The next vote should be whether she gets life in prison or a firing squad

   Hey mothers who are always telling everyone who cares to listen, "My kids are my life" If your kids are your life how come you hardly spend time with them and are always out clubbing and parting like there is no tomorrow every other day of the week?

   “You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.”