life Funny Status Messages
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I have come to the conclusion that I need more whipped cream in my life. 
I never thought the thug life would involve so many bills.
Life Tip: Always read medication instructions in a mocking voice
the L in salmon is ruining my life
Whatever life throws at you, duck and let it hit someone else!
The very best time to re-examine your life is after you’ve had too much to drink on Memorial Day long weekend.
Coming This Fall On HBO: Game of Loans. Move over medieval times, it's university life at it's finest in 2016.
I like seeing people with no mask or gloves on. Just raw doggin' life
Life is short. If you can't laugh at yourself, call me, then I will.
Face your life, don't Facebook your life
At the end of each day life should ask us, "Do you want to save the changes?"
No matter what happens in this life, I will NEVER give up on my dreams. That’s why I slept until noon today
If life gives you melons .. men will do pretty much anything you want them to.
Dreams are just fanfictions of your life written by your brain.
She cheerfully asked me "where were you all my life?" So I honestly told her "hiding in your bathroom" and now I have a restraining order
There are 5 things in life you cannot recover: A stone...after it's thrown. A word...after it is said. An occasion...after it's missed. The time...after it's gone. A person...after they die. Life is short. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly.
Should I get a puppy, or have a child? Well, I would rather ruin my carpet, than ruin my life.
Nothing says "I have no life," quite like people who listen to Nascar on the radio.
If your girlfriend's cat gets eaten by an angry pitbull terrier, gently singing "The Circle of Life" into her ear WON'T cheer her up.
Forget ghosts, forget snakes, forget spiders, forget aliens, forget monsters, forget zombies, The real danger to a human life is often posed by another human. Evil walks among us in human form everyday. We are just too blind to see it sometimes. [Search Results] [View All Messages]
