Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "That song is old." "OH! I'm Sorry B!tch, I didn't know there was an expiration date on music."

   Almost went to jail today, scared the crap out of me. Yeah, those monopoly games get pretty intense bro.

   Oh NO , facebook will be charging ... Do you know what , if it gets rid of you retards who re-post that rubbish I think it will be worth it ...

   Chill bro, I don't want your girlfriend...actually, no one wants your girlfriend, that's why she's with you.

   Turns out, no matter how many Oreos you can fit into your mouth at one time, this doesn't need to come up in a job interview.

   My friend just introduced me to a Money Making Scheme that guarantees a 100% payout. It's called a job.

   True love is never having to say "How was I ?"

   Why are they called "Starving Artists" instead of "Untalented Hippies"?

   Dogs may have an incredible sense of smell, but they have a terrible sense of whether that smell is good or bad.

   Helpful hint of my day... Pizza Rolls are the equivelant of molten lava even five minutes after removing from oven... fmt

   This afternoon after work, I plan to take my talents down to the bar

   Ever been in such a hurry you try getting out of your car with your seatbelt still on? It wasn't just me right?

   For decades now, Mario has been collecting coins. He does nothing with that money. Buy the princess a bodyguard or something.

   I heard there was a perfect woman at every corner of the world....Unfortunately, the world is ROUND!!!!

   I've gotten 3 group and 4 page invitations from you and we've been Facebook friends for 15 minutes. You are not off to a good start.

   made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.

   Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

   Statistics show that kids between the ages of 2 and 8 believe that Sponge Bob Square Pants is actually a cheese....

   wants you to know that if a jelly fish ever stung you, i'd pee on you!

   saving money on her cable by switching to facebook. They have sports statuses, drama statuses, Hollywood gossip statuses and current event statuses. Switch now and get calander statuses for free, you"ll never have to wonder what day it is again.