santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.

   My brother took being sent to prison really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we vowed never to play Monopoly again at Christmas...

   Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.

   I hope everybody enjoys the new air guitar I sent them for Christmas.

   There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

   I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

   Merry Christmas! oh, its not evern thanksgiving yet? well, how about we forward that memo to the stores, cause its beginning to look alot like christmas..EVERYWHERE I GO!

   My Christmas tree isn't the only thing that's getting lit this time of year.

   christmas shopping online is confusing the kids..they see their toys being delivered one at a time. If the UPS guy would dress like Santa..problem solved.

   I returned an online purchase and the form said for your security, please use Fedex, UPS, USPS, DHL or Parcel Post. Exactly what other options do they think I'm considering: Horse? Catapult? Tooth Fairy? Santa?

   Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween and handed out candy..........

   Friends are like Christmas lights. Some are broke, others just don't work for you....and there are others that make your day shine bright.

   ...little boy writes to Santa: please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: ok, send me your mother.

   Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%

   Well Easter is almost over, just saw Walmart employees putting up Christmas Decorations......

   This just in WIKILEAKS plans to reveal what you are getting for Xmas......

   Keeping the list of naughty girls all to yourself? Well played Santa.

   Dear Santa, I don't want anything for Christmas except for the person reading this to have an amazing Christmas.

   How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my favorite holiday special about a burglar whose crimes go wholly unpunished.

   If you were walking through the Mall today and saw me sitting in Santa's lap , it isn't what you think .