Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Republican Marriages: To avoid temptation, Mike Pence won't dine alone with women. To avoid temptation, Melania Trump lives in New York. 
Hey Bernie and Joe don’t need advice from two old guys wearing Depends. We need TP....
Arron Hernadez's lawyer: "Hang in there" Arron Hernadez: "will do"
When she suddenly stop singing while she's bathing, just know she's washing her P*ssy
Paul Manafort's shell company was called Summerbreeze. I guess that's just more proof that he's been a giant douche-bag all along!
To be fair, Trump thinks Meals on Wheels is a taco truck and he hates Mexicans.
All houses made out of wood are tree houses.
U.S Quiz - Which Donald is a cartoon, a clown and the Republicans' top choice for President?
I just smoked the fattest blunt.. And now my refrigerator is nervous!
The only time its acceptable for a girl 2 spit is if its into another girls mouth
Justin Bieber got arrested. His Blood levels showed Alcohol, Marijuana, and large amounts of Flintstones Chewable vitamins.
JUDAS: "Still on for friday?" JESUS: "Friday?" JUDAS: "Yeah, you know, the Last Supper" JESUS: "The what?!?" JUDAS: "the Supper, just the Normal Everyday Supper"
Been married for 3 months now, when is it appropriate to start leaving the bathroom door open when taking a dump?
doesn't care if his neighbors see him walking around in his Spiderman boxers. It's Tuesday!
puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again.
It's pretty hot today, but I'll take the heat over the cold any time. Heat = slight sweaty discomfort; drink cold water as needed. Cold = Physical pain of the extremities; sit in a hot tub and dont get out until spring .
BREAKING NEWS: BP Tries Adding Balsamic Vinegar to Oil
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full.
Watching the news... Oh Look its a new report in India... AAaaand Its RAPE!
When I say you are pretty, don't thank me thank God. 