Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Anyone caught Rioting on Inauguration Day should lose their Welfare Benefits. Oh, and their Obama Phones too.

   You know what I like about Politicians? ..... When they leave office. Heck, they're just like Diapers ... they need to be changed .... AND often!!!

   Presidents come and go, the pendulum swings back and forth ... America is 259 years old .... it has happened many times and we are still here ... so just Chill

   "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun on my phone? I know you not suppose to look at the sun, but how about a picture?" - My wife

   CONGRATS PRESIDENT OBAMA. You are truly a milestone. First president in our history to be at war for his WHOLE TERM. Great way to earn that Nobel Peace Prize.

   What do I like most about people? Their dogs....

   I just ate a whole jar of expired mayonnaise!

   Circus shuts down..Obama leaves office... Coincidence? I think not

   Happy Trumpmas Eve!

   Today, my president is black. Tomorrow, my president is orange. I guess orange really is the new black

   If the Russians Hacked the election system .... Wouldn't it be the candidate with the Most votes/Popular vote that the Russians were supporting?

   Ya know, that damn commercial lies! I spent 3 hrs yelling out my window "Its MY money and I want it now!!" Only thing I got was ticket for disturbing the peace!

   TODAY IS THE DAY OF ST. JUDE THADDEUS, PATRON SAINT OF IMPOSSIBLE CAUSES. If our new President ever needed all the help in the universe in straightening out the mess of the past 8 years, this Saint is the one.

   If you're constantly sharing old memories on Facebook, does that mean you can't let go of your past?

   All Slip and Fall classes will be cancelled after the Inauguration.

   I think I can beat up a group of ninjas. According to the movies, they must attack you one at a time while everyone else rocks back and forth in a absurd manner. So I think I have a chance!!!!

   Thinking about opening a lingerie shop for plus size women ....... Gonna call it KING THONG

   I'll be at tomorrows inauguration. Don't folks, I'll bring back some real funny demi-crats status stuff.

   Fellas.. got itchy balls? Use Vicks vapor rub... your welcome

   ...... No people ... the change in governmental administrations is not a sane reason to descend into a real life "Hunger Games" in this country .... Believe it or not it has actually happened before!!