Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 951 of 6383
Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. However, for less than a dollar a day you can help us dig a well in their village so that those poor children won't have to climb that hill daily.
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02-23-2017 11:00
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Its a man's responsibility to feed his wife because the last time the woman fed the man ........we all got chased out of the garden of Eden!
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02-23-2017 04:16
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Your parents are still alive and togather but when you asked "who is your favourite couple?" your answer is "Jay Z and Beyonce",for real?
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02-23-2017 04:15
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Someone tripped and fell right in front of me , and I didn't point at them and laugh hysterically . Damn I'm getting old.
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02-23-2017 00:38 by U suck
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down... You have my Word.
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02-23-2017 00:36 by RonnY
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Ever have one of those nights you were almost involved in a threesome, but one hand fell asleep. . .
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02-22-2017 20:35 by JAB
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7 earth-like planets have been discovered nearby, with growing fear of illegal aliens, Trump has decided to turn his wall into a dome.
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02-22-2017 14:37 by CrackY
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(Search History] 1. Do raccoons like to cuddle? 2. What does rabies smell like? 3. I can't feel my face.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
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02-22-2017 08:37
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A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
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02-22-2017 07:38 by Anon
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If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods would someone else make a sound?
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02-22-2017 07:23 by Mr E
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There's a thin line between Nirmal and Crazy people , and that line is usually cocaine
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02-22-2017 00:36 by Cam Mac
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Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
My neighbor asked me to watch her cats while she was out of town. I replaced all the cat litter with Pop Rocks. Now we wait.
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02-21-2017 12:31
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I'm pretty sure the mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
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02-21-2017 12:31
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I know I am a guy but stopping offended when I try to breast-feed in public. Besides, it helps my dog and I bond better
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02-21-2017 12:31 by Me E
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There's a fine line between crazy & free spiirited and it's usually a prescription.
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02-21-2017 06:54
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You know we're on the right track when the American nation trust Russia .... More than they trust the Democrat Party.
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02-21-2017 06:44
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My girlfriend said she wants our relationship to be like a fairy-tale. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.
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02-20-2017 20:17
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If psychics and palm readers knew anything they'd have hand washing stations.
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02-20-2017 13:01 by John Y
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