life Funny Status Messages

   My life may be a mess, but I know where everything is.

   John travolta was Quoted today saying I hope people look back at my life someday and say at least he had many Happy Endings.

   You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching your kids to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

   If you are living your life without giving a 'F', you are only living a LI[ ]E.

   My doctor told me to start killing people. Well, not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing!

   There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I'll kill you all.

   Renewing your wedding vows is like agreeing on a double life sentence to prison.

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired.

   I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.

   I've spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn't rhyme with good.

   Longest minute of life: waiting for food to come out of the microwave...

   You're definitely doing something wrong if you have had more eX's than you have had O's in your life.

   Imagine a life without facebook where you would actually have to watch the news again...

   My life: Wake up, mess sh*t up, have fun, sleep, repeat.

   Dont lose the girl of your life, for the hoe of the night.

   Last night I slept next to a plate full of Dominos pizza crumbs if any of you are wondering where I am in my life's journey.

   I've spent 50% of my life learning how to live without drugs and alcohol and the other 50% happy.

   My life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.

   Life is the 60 years between the only times when bingo and board games are an acceptable way of spending your days.

   It's funny to watch you girls on Facebook whine and cry about your drama in one status and then the next....10 mins later "Pedi's, mani's now and drinks with my besties later, life is great"!!