father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow.

   The reason it's called Mother Nature is because if it were Father Nature the weather would be a lot more predictable

   Dear Tylenol, as a Father, I can respect the fact that you make your products child-proof. However, as a consumer with a splitting headache, I hate your fricken guts 'cause I can't open the damn packet with my fingers...

   When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."

   I love being a father. Children start off as little bundles of joy and eventually grown up to be great at getting you a beer.

   Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann

   Any Woman that keeps her Kid from they Father is a Dead Beat mother too!!!

   ..... WOW ..... I just found my pet rock my father gave me back in the 70's ...... Amazingly enough it was STILL ALIVE!!!

   Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?

   When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.

   Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.

   You never see Micael Pelps's father in the stands because he is a dolphin.

   I forgot to buckle my 5 year old up in the car today, and while leaving the parking lot, this guy yells, "You're an irresponsible father!". I was like, "What the hell is that guy's problem? Stop the car son!"

   RIP ... George Jefferson.....Father of Swag

   Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means? Father: It means 'to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife.

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.

   Good mourning...... I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day, oh..everyone except Jerry Sandusky!!

   Happy Ugly Father's day tie, day!

   Happy Father's Day to all the dads...and whoever's raising T.O.'s kids.

   I wonder what Lebron got Delonte West for Father's Day?