Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   My contribution to mother earth is not to waste water cleaning glasses when I can drink straight from the bottle

   pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law

   I had to explain to my brother that a milf is supposed to be someone else's mother..

   Judge, I'm sorry I attacked that woman but I was wearing cheetah print & she had on a zebra shirt & Mother Nature just took over from there.

   [Mother-in-law visiting] -May I use your restroom? -Down the hall first door on the right -That's the front door -You may use the yard

   "You're as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care

   Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.

   I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

   A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"

   Never tell your wife she is just like her mother, even if it's true.

   Young man, does your mother know you ask girls for nudes on social media?

   Really, Fresh Prince's mother? One little fight and you ship him across the continent? You won't get a "#1 Mom" mug from me, I assure you.

   I've officially met everyone's mother yesterday via Facebook so I'm pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies

   I've have met everyone's mother today via Facebook

   Pay attention to all these women that are posting pictures with their mom's on Mother's Day because that is what they are going to look like!

   Let us all heed Vanilla Ice's advice on a day like this......"Word to your mother"

   Of all days, who deletes someone on Mother's Day....just for that, I'm never talking to my mom again.

   Daughter: Mama, can a girl get pregnant from @n@l s3x? Mother: Why sure, Honey. Where do you think lawyers come from?

   How I met your mother? Well son, it was arranged.

   Somehow she tracked that fart back to me....and that's how I met your mother.