love Funny Status Messages

   Hey,, adorable couples who constantly profess your love for each other via my news feed,,, learn how to text.

   All you need is love. But a little booze now and then doesn't hurt.

   I hate little dogs. I can only love dogs that could kill me.

   I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment. We just sleep together every night and wake up together every morning.

   Dear people who think Romeo and Juliet was a romantic love story.... It was a relationship between a 13 yr old and 17 yr old that lasted 3 days and resulted in 6 deaths.... Sincerely, Everyone that has actually read the story!

   Didn we all love Kinder... where the hardest decision was picking a crayon

   Dear sleep, I know we had our problems when I was young... but I love you now.

   I love the beach but I hate watching the Tide go out…It reminds me of my receding Hairline.

   I love Scrooge McDuck for his personality, not his wealth.

   it is "Poke a CNA" week, they have it rough, let's show them some love...

   THINGS THAT ARE DAMN HARD TO FIND: 1. A phone on silent 2. Fat girl's clitoris 3. True love

   I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.

   I'm so full of Love I poot out Heart shape bubbles...<3 <3 <3 <3

   If you love someone, set them fee. If they don't come back, call them up later when you're drunk.

   I love Captain Crunch,,, and by that I mean I can't get enough of tasting the "roof of my mouth" skin... Two more bowls till I can tongue my brain.

   40% of the men say "I Love You" by accident...the other 60% who do not say that..meet with an accident !

   The only "B" word you should call a women is beautiful. B*tches love to be called beautiful

   I pretty much need a girl to love me for what's on the outside at this point. The inside has been broken for a while and I've been trying to fix it with booze ever since.

   Jehovah's Witnesses? Please, come on in. Yes, I would LOVE to listen, but first let's talk about MY religion. Let me get the blowtorch.

   "We Found Love in a Swollen Face" by Rihanna ft. Chris Brown