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I’m pretty sure the most dangerous mixed drink is alcohol and Facebook
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10-30-2017 20:30 by
Todd
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You will NEVER find the love of your life, if YOU ARE the love of your life.
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10-30-2017 19:36
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Just saw a guy in the laundrymat throw in his NO FEAR white t-shirt with his colors. That guy is living the dream.
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10-30-2017 15:35
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At some point we will have to sit down and discuss Kenny Loggins
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10-30-2017 15:28
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If my wife ever comes back as a ghost, the message written on my bathroom mirror in blood will be PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN
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10-30-2017 15:18
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I go to restaurants where the waiter takes your order, and then purposely walks by your table with plates of what you could have ordered.
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10-30-2017 15:16
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I am visualizing a world of peace and harmony that has never known conflict. And I am visualizing us completely dominating that world.
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10-30-2017 15:14
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When the zombies come, my plan is to hope they are all dyslexic and go after the Brians
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10-30-2017 15:10
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Looking for meaningless likes and retweets? Post something about candy corn.
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10-30-2017 15:06
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Not sure how many trick-or-treaters we will get, so better buy 400x more than I expect.
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10-30-2017 15:04
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I thought it was PMS, but apparently wild mood swings and mango cravings are just part of who she is
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10-30-2017 15:00
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When your leg twitches while you sleep that is your skeleton trying to escape because you are vulnerable
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10-30-2017 14:57
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I'm on my third round of candy that we are not eating before Halloween.
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10-30-2017 14:55
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The irony is overwhelming. The "LOCK HER UP" guy is getting his ass locked up. Hahaha!
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10-30-2017 14:51
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When I was a kid I made my dad a clay ashtray. Millennials probably think I should be locked up.
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10-30-2017 14:48
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How do they explain this to the authorities? Me, at the end of every horror movie
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10-30-2017 14:43
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Maybe you misunderstood me. I love you in a "tennis score" sort of way.
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10-30-2017 14:42
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Players of the Houston Texans football team took a knee during the national anthem Sunday. That...is...awesome!
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10-30-2017 13:42
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White Lives Matter rallies in two small Tennessee cities on Saturday to protest refugee resettlement in the state. What the hell does that have to do with White Lives Mattering?
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10-30-2017 12:50
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I might as well prepare myself to say "comrade" a lot and drink plenty of vodka.
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10-30-2017 12:29
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