Funny Status Messages

   Just think, without microwave ovens, we couldn't drink 50 degree hot chocolate from a 500 degree mug!

   Trump: " I prefer Coca-Cola " MSNBC: " Trump declares war on the whole Pepsi generation "

   A woman started choking in the lineup at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.

   So the Houston Astros beat the Los Angeles Dodgers to win the World Series. Sort of reminds me fondly of last year's presidential election. (Red State beats Blue State).

   Harvey Weinstein has invited all the disappointed teenage Dodger fans to his home for jello shots and back rubs.....

   Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]

   If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.

   The Astros are world series champs. And Dodgers dodge having to go to white house. So who's the real winner.

   Every time I try dating I get a new sister.

   So a team part of a red state wins the World Series? Interesting.

   For an 84 year old Chuck Grassley sure can exit a room quickly.

   So, did he or did he not call the US justice system a disgrace? I'm so confused.

   My mother-in-law sent me the link to the site where you can buy a boarding pass to Mars. She even offered to pay for the ticket. That's so sweet of her.

   How's everyone holding up? It was crazy last night. I must have killed like fifteen zombies. But I still don't understand why they were all carrying bags of candy.

   I'm not saying she's bipolar, but for nearly two hours I thought her mood ring was a strobe light.

   To find your cool robot name, take the first 16 digits of your credit card & combine it with the expiration date and security code. What's yours?

   My mother in law won "best decorated house" yesterday for Halloween?..she was only opening the curtains?

   The NYC terror attack comes to you courtesy of the Democratic Party, Barry Obama and the judges he appointed, who've halted Pres. Trump from fulfilling his promise to secure our borders from Islamic terror.

   Halloween is over time to put up the Christmas decorations.

   200 North Koreans died in a tunnel collapse when testing their nukes. Looks like Kim Jong Un is on the US side of the war.