Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The relationship my wife and I have is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.

   I'll admit, if Trump eliminates the MS-13 gang, he will have gained my respect. Trump better not deliver a false promise!

   No need to drive me crazy, I can walk from here.

   I wonder if John McCain is still a war hero in the eyes of Trump?

   If Trump isn't your president, why do you want to fight in his military?

   Ian Hart wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell

   I can take either Sugar, Sweet n Low, or Splenda in my coffee. You could say I'm ambidexrose.

   If I was out there on a boat or scuba diving, It'd be "shart week" for me

   You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!

   If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

   Even to this day, I still can't remember that time I had amnesia.

   According to a RAND study from June 2016,. The researchers concluded that these treatments would increase health care costs for active-duty service members by $2.4 million and $8.4 million annually, Have to make obamacare cuts somewhere.

   Trump: Making America "straight" again ?

   If it ain't one damn thing after another, it's the same damn thing over and over again.

   If a man needs to be taught how to fish, then he is not a real man.

   Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn't working out either.

   forget senior discounts..Oj can get free stuff just buy saying something like "I'd kill to have some coffee right now"

   it bad that I want to mix cream liquor with my shakeology?

   My doctor put me on a low sodium/no alcohol diet recently. I've lost 6 pounds so far... I also know joy weighs 6 pounds now.

   When people say; I was thinking, Most weren't really.