Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 847 of 6446

Mathias Bachmeier is proof that the US police force isn't perfect.
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01-20-2018 23:31
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Karma has no menu. You're served what your deserve

If you have a bladder infection, "urine" trouble.
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01-20-2018 21:59 by Jake
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Yes, your smart devices can talk to each other now and they are giggling about you behind your back.
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01-20-2018 20:25 by markf
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if I ever do remarry I am going to find one of those government agents who can't talk about what they do all day.
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01-20-2018 19:59
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Crazy glue is like regular glue except it forgot to take its meds
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01-20-2018 19:57
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Kinda jealous how a rooster starts his day by screaming his head off, and we are all okay with that
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01-20-2018 19:53
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If Domino's changed their marketing plan to just call me at random times and ask if they could send over a pizza, the answer would be yes every time.
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01-20-2018 19:50
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I’m really confused as to why Kim & Kanye named their newborn “Chicago West” when Kanye is from the South Side of Chicago.
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01-20-2018 19:48
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The longer you wait for something, the more you appreciate it when you get it.

Society is going to judge you anyway, so do what makes you happy.

Why are all these women protesting, shouldn't they be at home cooking?
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01-20-2018 16:42
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Burned almost a thousand calories with the treadmill today. Moved it into the basement, that sucker is heavy!
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01-20-2018 14:59
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If undercover boss came to my work I'd play stupid and give them the biggest sob story too and bank
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01-20-2018 12:59
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If someone gave me a million dollars to lose weight for one of those weight loss programs I would too
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01-20-2018 12:39 by Smeebert
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Gov't shutdown? Yippee! I'm collecting rainwater for my garden before they reopen and fine me!!
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01-20-2018 09:53 by Gabe
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I'm drinking a Diet Coke because I ate a whole box of Pop Tarts for breakfast. I'm hoping this will neutralize it.
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01-20-2018 08:55
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does eating tide pods take skid marks out of underwear...Asking for a friend
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01-20-2018 07:22 by SEAN
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Milestone Alert: This is my 100th Post From a toilet....I'd like to thank the fine people from KFC for making this post possible!
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01-20-2018 04:07
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My ex told me to get some of those tablets that should help me get an erection.........should have seen her face when I tossed her the slimming pills
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01-20-2018 04:06
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