Funny Status Messages

   Do you know the two words that can wreck a man's life?......... I do.

   "Wonder why no one came to the kamikaze pilot's reunion dinner."

   Assuming intelligence on some people is a big mistake you will regret.

   My bar buddy ask me have you ever made a decison without knowing all the information you needed to know? I said sure I have..... I got married.

   On Sunday France plays Croatia... Their defense will try to last 90 minutes and beat their World War II record...

   It's so hot out that I've been sweating more than a drug smuggler going through coustoms.

   My bar buddy ask me have you ever made a decison without knowing all the facts? I said I sure have....... I got married.

   It's so hot that I've been sweating more than a drug smuggler going through coustoms.

   If you can lay on the floor without holding on...... You're not drunk.

   I'm sorry to say, but the swamp is still alive and well. There's no denying that.

   If it's alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?

   Did you know my people invented the Toothbrush? If it was invented by anyone else, they would have called it a teethbrush.

   More bad news from Hollywood: George Clooney survived his motorcycle wreck.

   Why is it a man's opinion can be express in a few minutes. Where a woman's opinion takes an hour.

   If you believe in open borders ..Why is your fence so high .

   A decision so bad you wish you had just got a face tattoo instead.

   "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media

   So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?

   Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera

   Anything can be used as a dartboard. Like your coworker Jim who always says "another day in paradise".