Funny Status Messages

   What business makes money by driving their customers away........ A taxi.

   if prison is "behind bars" , why don't people cal l the warden the "bar tender" ?

   odd that R. Kelly has a 19 minutes song ... usually he doesnt likes it over 18 ...

   I went to view a house on a Native American reservation! "I like it" I said "Does it come with running water?" "Go to Hell Paleface" He replied.."Get your own wife!"

   As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps

   Trump Anxiety Disorder covered by Obamacare?

   To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!

   I could probably sleep my way to the top....if sleeping actually had anything to do with it that is to say.

   Amendment to the 2nd. The right of the people to keep and bear plastic straws shall not be infringed. You can’t shoot paper through paper.

   Sorry for squirting in your face... Says no female ever.

   Can my plus one to a wedding be a dog?

   Magic Johnson wasted the world's best porn name on a basketball career

   Quit hating people because of race, religion, sex, or sexual orientation! Join me in hating people just because they are people!

   Who ever stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy.

   I'm not saying my wife is overweight or eats to much, but I had too put an engery saving lightbulb in the fridge.

   That Roy Moore skit on Who Is America is still making me laugh.

   I love you more then a click of your like buttons.

   Dear Maytag: Why don't your dryers have a Fold cycle? It's 2018 for chrissake!

   You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.

   You always hear the wife complain about their husband leaving the toilet seat up. But you'll never hear the husband complain about the wife leaving the toilet seat down.