santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   is excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?

   Dear God, When I was young I said always wanted to be a hip-hop rapper...Not a Christmas gift wrapper...in a mall...on a rainy Wednesday. FML

   Xmas idea. Mistletoe tied to my belt buckle. Hope this works.

   if you have been naughty this Christmas be happy if you get coal...there are blind snowmen out there that would kill for it!

   An office Christmas party is not a good time to ask the boss for a raise. Wait until the next day when you have pictures

   Thanks for the xmas card with your kids who I don't even know ..standing with some dog....that I didnt know you had....with some lady.. ..im guessing is your wife.....Merry xmas to you to!

   I asked Santa for Natalie Portman for Christmas. He said "No, you'll shoot her eye out".

   Found an industrial size combo pack of Mop-N-Glo and Mr. Clean for my wife for Christmas.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.

   U know you mexican when you wrap christmas presents with a knife instead of scissors.lol

   Every year, grandma gets run over by a reindeer. I wonder if this year, if I left some extra cookies, Santa'd aim for my ex instead?

   Dear Santa...Thank You for the response, but telling me to review my web browser history, wasn't what I meant! But, well played Santa...Well played...

   An office Christmas party is not a good time to ask the boss for a raise. Wait until the next day when you have pictures.

   Last minute Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

   I wanna take a wiffle ball bat into malls during Christmas shopping for those idiots that just stop suddenly in the middle of the walking area. That humming thump noise while I crack it across the back of their heads would bring joy to my holiday season

   If letting him bang me while I wear reindeer antlers and a painted red nose doesn't get him in the Christmas spirit nothing will!

   it's nearing the festive season again and so just a reminder that a doggy is not just for christmas, it's a great position all year round!

   Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving

   I think the grammatically correct way to describe my current Christmas disposition would have to be "present tense".

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."