Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 680 of 6382
Bad decision: Believing we're from the government and we're here to help you.
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07-24-2018 03:53 by Jake
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tonight my phone made this weird noise ive never heard before,so I googled it and apparently someone was trying to call me
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07-24-2018 00:25
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Once I ate a whole banana, skin and all. I found it quite unappeeling.
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07-23-2018 10:13
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"Hey! No fair! You cleaned the bathrooms last week! It's my turn!" said no one ever.
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07-23-2018 08:44
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GIRLFRIEND: *Crying* My dog died! ME (who was only dating her because of her dog): So I have more bad news.
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07-23-2018 07:52
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We're all 60% water, so get off your high horse "aqua" man
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07-23-2018 07:44
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The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
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07-23-2018 02:38
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Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
"Autographed Lorena Bobbitt stake knive set for sale $19.95"
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07-23-2018 02:13
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Confuius said "Never check the depth of water with both feet."
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07-22-2018 21:56 by Jake
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Taking viagra for my sunburn.... Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
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07-22-2018 21:45 by BobbyT
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I don't care if our president lies all the time. As long as he's pushing of the Dems, that's the only thing I care about. I'm happy with that!
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07-22-2018 17:34
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Bad decision: Saying come in to a Jehovah Witness at your door.
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07-22-2018 15:59 by Jake
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Husbands calm down are two words you should never say to your wife.
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07-22-2018 15:52 by Jake
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I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
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07-22-2018 15:48
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Wives if your husband says something and you're not around to hear it is he still wrong?
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07-22-2018 15:16 by Jake
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Seriously guys, I'm a virgin. No woman finds me attractive.
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07-22-2018 13:08 by Snowflake
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Just BUY the klondike bar. What's the big deal?
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07-22-2018 09:44
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An apple a day is bull crap.... Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
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07-21-2018 18:42 by BobbyT
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I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !
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07-21-2018 18:36
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