life Funny Status Messages

   Never faked a sarcasm in my life.

   a Genie told me I could have a great memory or an epic Phallus, but for the life of me I can't remember which one I chose...

   It was a pleasure ruining my life with you.

   There comes a time in your life where nothing gets you excited anymore. I've had this feeling for like 5 years now.

   Unless you're trying to change someones life for the better, you have no reason to try to be in their business

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through!

   look guys, if you're 40+ and your profile picture is of your car, you're not doing life right...

   Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I'll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life.

   Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person's life takes serious commitment.

   You know....I once dated an amputee....She single-handedly changed my life.

   I don't use Facebook. Trying to convince people that my life is better than theirs by announcing every insignificant event looks exhausting.

   When life gives you LIMES rearrange the letters until they say SMILE.

   They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?

   Fact: Ten out of ten people die. Don't take life too seriously.

   All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don't subject an innocent cat to a life with you.

   I really dont understand why I’m still a virgin when I have never watched any Twilight Movie or bought any Justin Bieber Album in my whole life.

   Life is a terminal illness. Nobody gets out of here alive.

   Nothing like watching a Nicholas Cage movie to remind you that your life could be worse, you could be Nicholas Cage.

   Nothing like seeing 30+ year old wearing a cap backwards to remind you that your life doesn’t suck that much.

   My favorite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart.