Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 670 of 6452

So...Laveon Bell turned down $70M from the Steelers, sat out a year w/o pay and signed with the Jets for $50M. No wonder those guys always go broke...
←Rate |
03-15-2019 08:15
Comments (0)

Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc". Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.
←Rate |
03-15-2019 07:01
Comments (0)

Alcohol kills!....But on the bright side of that, if it wasn't for alcohol most of my friend's would have never been born.
←Rate |
03-15-2019 00:51 by Moon
Comments (0)

420 - 0, what a great number.
←Rate |
03-14-2019 12:27
Comments (0)

Today, I lied, lied about lying, changed my mind, lied about changing my mind, changed my mind about lying, blamed someone for something I did, lied about blaming someone, took a breath, and lied.
←Rate |
03-14-2019 12:08 by DJT
Comments (0)

Πr² ? No. Pie are round. Brownie are square.
←Rate |
03-14-2019 11:32
Comments (0)

With facebook down I went back to doing those little things we sometimes overlook while it's up, like keeping the dishes from polling up in the sink, folding the laundry on top of the dryer, finishing reading those books I started reading and showering.
←Rate |
03-14-2019 10:28 by Moon
Comments (0)

Facebook's down and I am poised at conquering the world!
←Rate |
03-14-2019 10:25 by Moon
Comments (0)

I saw a woman at Walmart
with March Madness teeth..
She was down to the final four.
←Rate |
03-14-2019 09:58
Comments (0)

Dude!
That cross-eyed girl at the bar
is looking at you...... And me...
←Rate |
03-14-2019 09:19
Comments (0)

My kids are growing up and I guess that means I'm getting older...that's not what saddens me...what saddens me is that the kids no longer eat for free when we go out anymore.
←Rate |
03-13-2019 22:01 by CoolguyB
Comments (0)

Mark Facebook needs to get his crap together!
←Rate |
03-13-2019 20:32 by DJT
Comments (0)

I think some of my Facebook friends make completely irrational decisions in life that make no sense whatsoever, and we should hangout more.
←Rate |
03-13-2019 12:36
Comments (0)

I poured my heart out and it evaporated. FML
←Rate |
03-13-2019 08:36
Comments (0)

Women hate cargo pants and cargo shorts because they illustrate the tactical inferiority of the purse.
←Rate |
03-13-2019 04:24
Comments (0)

Overheard at the coffee shop: “Do the banana-nut muffins contain nuts?” Natural Selection, I believe that’s your cue.
←Rate |
03-13-2019 01:55
Comments (0)

I'm a porn again Christian.
←Rate |
03-13-2019 00:23
Comments (0)

The current generation should be called mushrooms because they've been fed crap and kept in the dark
←Rate |
03-12-2019 19:47
Comments (0)

I thought my pet rock was sick... Turns out it was just stoned
←Rate |
03-12-2019 16:18 by Sharp
Comments (0)

When you will lie about anything, you will lie about everything.
←Rate |
03-12-2019 16:04
Comments (0)