life Funny Status Messages

   Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.

   If dialysis saved your life, you may be able to sue someone for money!!

   Growing up into an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life.

   90% of my life is regrettably trying to get out of conversations I got myself into.

   My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”

   Don’t be afraid of death, be afraid of an unlived life.

   Life is like a $h!t sandwich. The more bread you have, the less $h!t you have to eat.

   i wish we could go back to 1978 when life was good

   My life would be so much better if I was dead.

   I got 66 problems coz my life is upside down!

   Only people who buy Corvettes are 40 year olds fearing mid life and his wifes social disabilities. Buy a real car.

   Life is a race...too bad I'm fat.

   To the two former Facebook "Friends" who just un-friended me: It was the status about throwing kittens in the lake right? They all had life jackets on..... They are safe & now drying in my microwave.

   I love bourbon and bourbon loves me. It's the most functional relationship I ever had in my life.

   Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you're an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.

   "Can we talk for a minute?" is code for, "I am going to ruin the next 6 hours of your life with this bad news here."

   Life is a jingle as long as you are single. Once you are double you are inviting trouble.

   Finding your purpose in life is kind of like finding the G-Spot. Nobody needs to tell you, you'll know when you find it.

   I measure my life in WTF's-Per-Hour. I'll probably get a speeding ticket here shortly.

   We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.