Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 650 of 6382
Maybe people would be more concerned about saving the planet if chocolate and coffee were on the endangered list.
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10-05-2018 16:35 by Haha
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I made my wife a Caesar salad last night!
The dog was really pissed off though as it was his last tin!
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10-05-2018 08:07 by Truman
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using Just For Men on your mother in laws mustache at night wrong ? Asking for a friend ..
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10-04-2018 22:08
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Whenever they show the crowd at Yankees stadium...every Yankees fan looks like an out of shape Paulie Malignaggi.
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10-04-2018 21:33
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Just got my E-Harmony results. They match me with a computer, a chair, and a bottle of lotion.
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10-04-2018 14:33 by Haha
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Before I was born, I was given a choice between a big di*k, or a good memory. I don't remember what one I chose.
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10-04-2018 14:29 by Haha
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My company has trouble thinking outside the box. We can't agree on the size of the box, the color of the box, whether it is wood or cardboard, a suitable box vendor or how much to budget.
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10-04-2018 08:15
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I never knew that tanning beds had a pumpkin spice setting.
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10-04-2018 07:44 by Haha
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DT once said we would get "tired of winning." Well he was half right..... we are tired.
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10-04-2018 07:23
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Japan has built humanoid robots to do construction work. The robots are so human like that they have three reports of sexual harassment.
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10-04-2018 05:32 by Haha
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I've been busy today and may of missed it. What was DT's dumb statement of the day, today?
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10-04-2018 02:26
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The best part of this Presidential Alert is... Hillary got one too!!
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10-03-2018 22:59
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You say, "Not my President" but I bet your phone went off.
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10-03-2018 21:53
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I would love to incite a fight after a UB40 concert.
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10-03-2018 14:43
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Whenever I'm walking down the street and see a car stopped at a red light I like to wave until the person rolls their window down. Then I say, "You know, you can't park here."
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10-03-2018 11:32
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Sex is like a bowling ball, if your not using all three fingers, you're just cheating your game.
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10-03-2018 09:55
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The only Blue Wave anyone is going to see this year is the one that hit the Carolina coast a few weeks ago.
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10-03-2018 07:35
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Dictionary the only place where divorce comes before marriage.
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10-03-2018 02:45 by Haha
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FACT : If someone is playing Xmas music in October, you're legally allowed to kill them and use their corpse as a Halloween decoration.
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10-03-2018 02:44 by Stevielea
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Bachelor is a guy who will never find out how many faults he has.
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10-02-2018 21:42 by Haha
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