Funny Status Messages

   If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated

   A birth control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

   I'm not really concerned about swine flu. > Here's my concern. > > 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow . . . Mad Cow disease. > 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . . Avian flu. > This year, Chinese calendar year of

   wishes Jimmy Football was more like Billy Mays-DEAD!

   No, you can't not never ever use quadruple negatives. it's just bad grammer.

   The beatings will stop when morale improves.

   Dirty deeds and they're done with sheep.

   Men are like place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.

   Diamonds are a girl's best friend... Dogs are a mans best friend... Now, who's the smarter sex?

   Catching a yellow-jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary.

   The good thing about Alzheimer is that you meet new people every day.

   dropped his glasses in the toilet. As a result, he now has a crappy outlook on life.

   If your relationship status says, "It's complicated", you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "single"

   i realized I really dont have to watch games, movie award shows, music award shows or anything else to that effect anymore... all I have to do is come on facebook and I have a detailed play by play of every minute of it right on my news feed!!!!

   on the air go ahead caller

   Up-Up, Down-Down, Left-Right, Left-Right, B-A, START.

   The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the toilet.

   police are investigating the 7 winners of last weeks euro lottery syndicate, they dont believe that 7 people from liverpool actually had a job!!!

   at the ATM the other day and an old lady approached and asked me to help check her balance.....So I pushed her

   In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide!! " linkin Park - New Divide"