Funny Status Messages

   there sure is going to be a lot of people losing their virginity in the year 2012.

   Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

   "I" before "E" except after "C"...... WEIRD...

   does not know that the bird is the word.

   W.T.F. - Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...the weekend's almost here!!

   Money can't buy happiness. But it can buy marshmallows, which are kinda the same thing.

   I need to start speaking my mind because my tongue is starting to hurt from biting it!

   hates when people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

   hates people who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

   hates when people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

   hates people who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

   hates when you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

   having an I will never drink again moment!

   wondering if he's the only one who thinks the lady who got attacked by a chimp and showed her face on Oprah looks like a teenage mutant ninja turtle

   flying without wings... after discovering beans and onion together~

   I'll tell you something about Lapinski. When she gets a gas bill, she writes all over it with a thick black felt tip, THIS DOES NOT EXIST, and sends it to the gas board

   Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius

   make love, not babies.

   THE ALIENS ARE ATTACKING EARTH ON FRIDAY. THEIR PLAN IS TO KIDNAP ALL THE BEAUTIFUL & SEXY PEOPLE.. DONT WORRY, YOU'RE SAFE... I JUST WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE, PLEASE CHECK IN ON MY MOTHER IN LAW EVERY NOW AND THEN

   If you add me as your friend and I ignore you.....Do move on it's just facebook. Don't change your name and profile picture and add me again! The request will still be ignored! I still know it's you!