santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, This year please bring me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix them up as you have in previous years. Thanks!

   That uneasy moment when Edward Cullen and Santa Clause run into each other because they're both watching you sleep.

   I love to use the holidays as an excuse to gift, re-gift and de-gift meaningless merchandise.....I wonder if that would qualify me as an "Indian Gifter"? ツ

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   My girlfriend wants something for Christmas that goes 0-200 in 3 seconds...So I think I will get her a scale.

   If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old, and tell them its Santa Clause

   I am probably going to start my Christmas shopping this weekend. I am not sure which place is better, the Dollar Store, or the 99 Cent store.

   thankful that I have a job and can afford a nice Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas...and beer

   Someone could get rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights. Grrr....

   You may be pushing Christmas a little too much if you take your candle out of your Jack-O-Lantern and stick it in your Window!!...Just Sayin..

   Every time a Christmas tree is lit before Thanksgiving, an elf drowns a baby reindeer.

   So I hear Sandusky's Santa application has been rejected...

   If your parents ever call you a liar, just say "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa". Then walk away like a BOSS!

   It would be really convenient if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   All I want for Xmas is........... Red Solo Cup! I fill you up! Lets have a party!!!

   I don't deliver to Trailer Parks. If your house is on wheels, you must have done something wrong. - SANTA CLAUS

   Why I love winter: 1. Christmas morning with my kids 2. Snow 3. My wife keeps her clothes on during sex. 4. Liquor in my car stays cold

   Good girls get presents, Naughty girls get money. - by Order of SANTA CLAUS.

   Well, obviously we have a Santa in the North Pole. He's climbin' down yo chimney, droppin' yo' presents off Bringin' cheer so ya'll need to hang the stockings, deck the halls, and leave some cookies cuz he's visiting errrybody out there.

   If you leave out Weight Watchers cookies I will burn your house down. - SANTA