Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   pulled last night. He approached a gorgeous girl and said "Look, I know you're in a different league to me, but! I'm willing to drop one for ya"

   I accept this Nobel Peace Prize, blah,,,blahh,,,,blahh,,,blah...blahhh.....................

   wonders when John Mellencamp will write a song about the plight of the Facebook farmer?

   (Tiger's Christmas Song) Oh the weather outside is frightful. Having many tramps is so delightful. Just so my hot wife don't know…text a ho, text a ho, text a ho.

   wondering if blacks call it "Ask" Body Spray...

   Unless the next one is a dude, I don't want to here any more about Tiger Woods

   What's on my mind? Let's peer inside and listen... "Meow, meow, meow, meow..." Wow! That was akward. 

   watching you having a wank

   singing...I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go....

   Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.

   Two goldfish in a bowl. One says to the other "If there is no God,who changes our water every week?"

   I was born a pessimist. My blood type is B negative.

   Did you hear about the gay dwarf? He came out of the cupboard.

   can't wait to watch his favourite Christmas movie, "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't Due To Santa's Urinary Tract Infection"

   James Cameron's new movie "Avatar" comes out next week. People say it will be as successful as "Titanic". Not the movie. The ship.

   wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

   chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head..

   ๑۩۩๑ MY KINGDOM ๑۩۩๑

   If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed...always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions.

   thinks a girls legs are her best friends.....but the best of friends must part!!!