Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just shot his eye out..

   wondering if Tiger Woods is dreaming of a White Mistress?

   eating Babybels at this special time of year. After all, Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without the baby cheeses.

   Rihanna can stopp tryin' . . . Seems like Chris Brown slapped the music outta her. . .

   standing in line at Target and just received a dirty look from the woman in front of him, after he started dancing to her obnoxiously loud "Sex and The City"-theme ringtone.

   EDGE ▂ ▃ ▅ ▆ █

   Festivus is a secular holiday celebrated on December 23rd. It was created by writer Dan O'Keefe and introduced into popular culture by his son Daniel, a screenwriter for the TV show Seinfeld

   I dont believe in Santa...but with no money in my pocket ....I think I will change my opinion about him.....

   Happy Christmakwanzzakkah

   can't stand on his own because he's too-tired and a bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired

   if my right leg was christmas and my left leg was easter, I would love for you to visit in between the holidays

   Try this experiment: The next time someone says "Oh, I'm fine..." look them square in the eyes and say "Tell me the truth." Sometimes all people really want is someone to take an interest. Show them you care all the time, not just at Christmas.

   All we need to survive is, one person who truly loves us

   all alone on christmas so why not get drunk ? Beers in the fridge !

   “If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?”

   I want a red rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing which tells time built right in the stock.

   airing of grievances and the demonstration of feats of strength started TODAY you moron! if you're going to TRY to be funny atleast be accurate! D-BAG

   super glued Al Gore's mouth in an effort to prevent further global warming

   asked Santa Claus for a boyfriend this Christmas... He gave me a rain check instead... lol :)

   looking forward to the family tradition of listening to the UK's No 1 after Xmas dinner. Can't wait to see the look on my mum's face!