Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Victoria Secrets catalog just arrived, my wife has informed me that none of the women are real, just cgi and photoshop....sigh!

   he can't pull a rabbit from a hat , but he can pull a hare from his hole

   not bothered by that fact that knowone understands him, its the reality that most of the time he doesnt understand himself; thats what scares him.

   ..is tired of waking up to his antics so she set a trap last night..Jack Frost won't be nipping any noses now for a LONG time..

   The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved.

   Dammmmn right I'm good in bed I can sleep for days

   just had my LEFT side removed. I'm all RIGHT now

   I'm so sorry you must think I actually value your opinion!

   Cheers to alcohol the cause of and solution to all life's problems.

   BE NICE to kids...SERIOUSLY they have weapons now!!!

   sometimes I wish I was a monkey so I could throw poo at people--like you!

   Thinks your so fake..you make barbie look real!!!!!!

   doesn't have to make sense to be funny!

   He said " I dont know why you were a bra, you have nothing to put in it." She says "Well you wear pants dont you?"

   Your 90% the reason why I get up every morning the other 10% is because I have to pee...

   wants you to think of the word "Politics". Poly means "many" and "ticks" are blood sucking creatures.

   Do Not Disturb I I am already disturbed enough

   must save their Midevil babes from the evil "robot-us'es" and win the Battle of the Bands. The future of the world depends on it!

   more confused than a chameleon in a box of Smarties.

   just pondering the fact that Jeffrey Dahmer is really the only person whose bologna really did have a first name!