Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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6207

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.menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... ever notice how most womens probIems begin with men?

←Rate | 01-09-2010 05:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

Aliens are coming to Earth on Monday to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, but I just wanted to say goodbye.

←Rate | 01-09-2010 05:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

the reason for your wet dream!

←Rate | 01-09-2010 01:38 Comments (0)

holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies

←Rate | 01-09-2010 01:37 Comments (0)

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

←Rate | 01-09-2010 00:41 Comments (0)

A teacher in a detriot kindergarden class asked the kids what sound does a pig make? Little Tyrone stood up and yelled FREEZE MUTHAF**KA

171

←Rate | 01-09-2010 00:07 by chronic iam Comments (0)

Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them

←Rate | 01-09-2010 00:02 Comments (0)

Girls improve their looks not their mind, because they know guys are stupid, not blind.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:56 Comments (0)

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:54 Comments (0)

Today at school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life.

200

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:52 Comments (1)

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:50 Comments (0)

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:45 Comments (0)

Future Quotes, Quotations & Sayings I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:44 Comments (0)

The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:42 Comments (0)

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:42 Comments (0)

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:40 Comments (0)

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:37 Comments (0)

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:35 Comments (0)

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

←Rate | 01-08-2010 23:34 Comments (0)

So I spent $25.00 for a Tiger Woods DVD titled " My Favorite 18 Holes"....... turns out it was all about golf....

←Rate | 01-08-2010 18:54 by potts Comments (0)