Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can clearly see a few people who ate a bowl of stupid for breakfast.

   Tonight I'm leaving my sobriety at home, along with my indoor voice and any behavior that can be mistaken as 'ladylike'.

   A celebratory beer after winning the gold - $1. While you're at it, might as well have a cigar - $5. a few Canadian women proving that this world truly is becoming too P.C. PRICELESS !!!!

   Oh! So you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar!

   I Did not I Repeat I Did not sleep with that young intern I Was up all night

   Cocaine is never a solution. Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.

   I just balanced my checking account, and discovered that I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something or pay a bill.

   such an unthoughtful farmer that he wants to smash his neighbor's White Mystery Eggs and slaughter their Baby Calf if he can't get them off his News Feed.

   realized that beating the drums is the only thing you get applauded for, if you beat anything else your either weird... or abusive.

   You can cross my mind, run through it, play in it, bounce across it, dance in it. There is alot of room in there...

   i renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

   Thinks my OCD is getting worse. Did I hit post? Wait a minute , did I even type it yet? I'm pretty sure I hit post but am not sure. Yeah, I did. Well, maybe I didn't. I better double-check. Yeah, I did. No, I didn't. Dang!!! What was I going to post again

   loves Canada! They are like the upstairs neighbors that never get invited to the party DOWNSTAIRS!

   I hear there is a new facebook game coming out soon...it's called Getalifeville!!!

   Party tonight, bring booze or chicks. Seperate, or one already in the other. Your call...

   way to "own the podium" Canada. At last count you have what, only 1/2 the medals as the USA!

   thinks I just stepped in a bouquet of oopsei dasies.

   hasn't slept for ten days.........................................because that would be too long.

   Just put a down payment on my yellow submarine.

   now interactive on facebook. If you move your arrow keys on the keyboard it controlls my left ear. Have fun!