Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Damn my liver just pinched my ass,dosnt this green beer count?

   Sarcastically Delicious!!!

   YAWN so I can see if you're the one...

   gave an atheist a bible today, he just couldn't believe it.

   Have you ever noticed that Gatorade doesn't work on guys who suck?

   wearing his traditional Irish none-derwear!

   If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

   Do not get me near any electronics or appliances.. apparently I turn on EVERYTHING !!!

   it takes 42 muscles to frown, But it only takes 4 muscles to extend ur arm out and smack'em in the head...

   I'm sorry liver...its St Patricks day. You can file the restraining order tomorrow.

   Why do leprechauns laugh when they run...? cuz the grass tickles their nuts..

   thinks he might be addicted to Facebook because he's seeing a lot of random people around the city, that he's already seen on Facebook....

   People with high I.Q.'s should get to vote twice.

   What do you say when an atheist sneezes...?

   Why is the jeopardy theme song stuck in my head? its giving me a false sense of anxiety...

   Kiss me I'm not Irish

   just had a green beer to celebrate St. Patricks Day... just wish someone had told me that it had been sitting out since new years!!!

   Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving all his clocks forward.

   just told that karma will come back around if I make fun of stupid people...now, I only make fun of rich, goodlooking skinny people!

   All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.