Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address you turn down the volume on the radio?
←Rate | 04-12-2010 20:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." They got up and unplugged the computer.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 20:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon See if you can say "Irish Wristwatch"
←Rate | 04-12-2010 19:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Highlighter pens are the future. Mark my words
←Rate | 04-12-2010 19:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BEER - Helping white men dance since 1881.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 18:35 by johnny5 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Kids buy breakfast cerial the same way men buy lingerie for thier wives. They buy something they care nothing about just so they can get at the prize that's inside.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 18:20 by British bob Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you believe the competitive spirit in America is dead, you haven't been in the supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 17:59 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown
←Rate | 04-12-2010 16:39 Comments (2)  


   messageicon given up trying to understand the Indian project manager. If I try it causes migraines.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to get a tattoo that says "Live Without Regrets", and have it spelled wrong.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 15:56 by Yaj Comments (2)  


   messageicon I cut myself shaving this morning. Now I'm walking with a limp.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 15:53 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does my bf have to lift up his leg everytime he's about to fart!?
←Rate | 04-12-2010 15:48 Comments (1)  


   messageicon you can get whatever you want in this life if you have self confidence,determination...and an AK-47 wz unlimited ammo..
←Rate | 04-12-2010 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Says: He may wear the pants.. But I CONTROL The Zipper!! hehehe!
←Rate | 04-12-2010 14:56 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon did you cheat? ... No I opened the book.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 14:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon don't look at me in that tone of voice
←Rate | 04-12-2010 14:38 by Aaron Comments (2)  


   messageicon Drama Queens/Kings, Hypocrites, two-faced, exaggerators and fake people can all be found on Facebook!!!
←Rate | 04-12-2010 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking for the six-fingered man!
←Rate | 04-12-2010 14:23 by Tone40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just broken down and listened to a song by Justin Beiber. I've got the phone on vibrate for the rest of the day since I just stabbed both ears repeatedly with a ball point pen.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 14:12 by SARGE Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes "dressing for the job you want" is referred to as "impersonating an officer".
←Rate | 04-12-2010 13:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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