santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I need to get a santa suit and walk into the strip club to see what the girls will to do santa to get off the naughty list.

   Just told my Secret Santa I murdered a plumber in Vermont in 1995 or is that not how it works?

   All these years in therapy have finally paid off people... My therapist just recommended I get supervision this festive season. I have always wanted super powers! BEST Christmas present ever...

   Dear Obama, It's ok..... No one believes in me anymore either. Sincerely, Santa

   Wearing a Santa hat is a great way let people know you're a wild card.

   My friends are all putting pictures of their kids on their Christmas cards. I dont have kids so I might put a picture of money on mine.

   Everyone is breaking up... Which means christmas is almost here!

   Santa I'm sorry I was so naughty! Last year I was so good you brought me a Grill! This year I just needed the coal!

   Sooo, the real moral of Rudolph's story is that no one will like you until you have something they want or need? Now that's the Christmas spirit!

   I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.

   I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."

   Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is your List of Naughty Girls!

   Due to the coal shortage Santa will be giving Nickelback CD's to all the bad kids this year!

   My grandfather was a wise man, which is probably why every Christmas he only gave me Myrrh.

   tryen to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn jar to open!

   Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

   hacking Santa's NAUGHTYand NICE list!!!!! x-mas is going to be the bomb!!

   We installed a Cain Train around the base of our Christmas tree, but it keeps stopping to hit on the Sugar Plum Fairy ornament.

   According to a recent survey just released this week, one-third of all mall Santa Claus' have had a child urinate in their lap. Even worse, the other two-thirds have urinated in their own laps.

   We must love and respect one another. Except people who decorate Christmas trees with blue lights. They should be waterboarded.