friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   A total of 11 lawmakers in the new Congress are freshmen. Their parents helped them move in over the weekend.

   I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.

   On average, a person has sex 86 times a year. Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a weekend for me.

   I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.

   My Christmas tree wasn't the only thing that got lit up last weekend!!

   Nothing ruins a Friday quicker than having to work the weekend. too.

   If you bought a fruitcake this weekend, you have until March 2035 to eat it.

   Do white supremacists shop on Black Friday?

   It's national turkey club sandwich Friday. . .

   I saved $983.54 on Black Friday. I stayed home watched TV and didn't shop.

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample ovee others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   So you're going to the Black Friday sales? Didn't you say you were thankful for everything you had yesterday?

   All this spending on Black Friday! Y'all better pay that electric bill first, or next Friday will be Black Friday too

   Black Friday used to only be Robinson Crusoe's pal!

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already

   I know this is short notice, but does anyone have a bear costume I can borrow to scare the people camped outside Best Buy for Black Friday?

   Make sure to use the extra hour this weekend not changing anyone's mind about the election on Facebook.

   Extra hour of sleep this weekend. I mean, unless you're a parent. Then it's just like, more morning.

   "The Statue of Liberty just turned 130 last Friday. When France first gave her to us, it was the one time that France didn't retreat..

   Brace yourselves it's Harley Quinn weekend!