father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Asked my 65 yr old father if he believed in gay marriage. His response "I saw my friends die for freedom. That means freedom for EVERY American."

   Who are you going to believe - me, a husband and father with no criminal record, or some fancy HD security footage from Victoria's Secret?

   I live by my father's motto: "Life is a football game. Try to fall asleep in the first quarter and complain if anyone shuts off the TV."

   Three times when it is OK for a man to cry: At your father's funeral, when a heroic dog dies saving his master, and when Mr. Happy gets caught in your zipper.

   Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread.

   A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME

   —Mom, what's for dinner? —Nothing, son. Your father studied Graphic Design.

   Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.

   Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.

   Forgive me father, for I like sin.

   Manager claims OJ Simpson could be Khloe Kardashian's father. And I thought this family couldn't get any more dysfunctional.

   "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after he found out Luke has money.

   "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.

   It's like my father used to say "Go get that rock over there... I promise I won't drive away this time."

   My father is at that age where he will have a full on conversation with a telemarketer.

   Out of the 20 richest women in the world, only one did not inherit their money from their husband or father!

   So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D

   My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.

   Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....

   Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!