Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm petitioning Crayola to replace the "burnt orange" crayon with "burnt snooki"

   Some people use the power of positive thinking..... others you can be positive that they're not thinking

   Sorry, quoting bible scriptures to me isnt going to convince me. I could quote "Stars Wars" or "Twilight" and it would be just as profound.

   thinkin of sending obama a cabbage patch kid for fathers day not because he plays with dolls tho I thought he could use the birth certificate!

   If there is a window of opportunity ... why the hell does it knock? Shouldn't it be a door? No wonder so many people miss opportunities. They answer the door, not the window.

   As Americans we should fight like hell for the right to draw a picture of Muhammad, but then choose not to.

   I wonder if I shipped off a couple of Gold Fish to Cash for Gold,, would I get any $$$$?

   (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Is Bad For Your Health

   Mr. Felipe Calderon, 73% of Americans have a message for you: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

   was told that if I have to ask how much something costs, I probably can't afford it. She was right so I moved along.

   It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts...

   My life is based on a true story.

   so I finally got rid of all the FB recommended pages and ADs, Woo Hoo. take that FB

   The grass may be greener on the other side, but you'll eventually have to mow it:)

   If you must lie about your age, do what I do... tell people you're ninety-seven...they'll think you look freakin great!

   Does anyone besides me think the new Olympic Mascots resemble sex toys?????

   totally against selling babies for beer, but teenagers that's another story.

   the only thing more funny then this stupid status update is that your still taking time out of your busy day to read it..

   Some people on this planet are why we don't have a Waffle House on the Moon!

   Trying is the first step toward failure.