Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5979 of 6446

If your paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!
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05-23-2010 21:00 by Ricky Ray
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: If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other!
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05-23-2010 20:39
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BP Is Doing All They Can To Clean Up The Oil Spill They Are Even Offering The Cuban Refugees absorbant Oil Clean-Up Suits As They Get Ready To Swim Over. Thanx BP!!

bye bye weekend! it was fun being with you! cant wait to see you next week!
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05-23-2010 18:11
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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05-23-2010 17:47 by paulb808
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I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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05-23-2010 17:46 by paulb808
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Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn't surprising really, since it isn't my birthday
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05-23-2010 17:26
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------------is clearly convinced life is practically all about reading ------------------

"Scent" is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
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05-23-2010 13:54 by Leeferd
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The new version of Pac-Man is so awesome, it comes with a search engine built into it
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05-23-2010 12:44 by l33t
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Today I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again
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05-23-2010 12:29 by Joser
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I wonder if cows refer to their sons as cowboys.
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05-23-2010 12:28 by Joser
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My friend Ryan is going to attempt to get his vasectomy reversed tomorrow. I told him they could make a movie about it and call it "Saving Ryan's Private."
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05-23-2010 10:00 by Mike M
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I've gotta come clean. That's why I masturbate with Purell®.
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05-23-2010 08:47 by Leeferd
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..always finds it tempting to yell "EVERYBODY! DOWN ON THE FLOOR!" when she's waiting in line at her bank.

If I had super powers I would be so totally dangerous.
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05-23-2010 05:50
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I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.
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05-23-2010 03:17 by drew
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My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird a## quiz where he reveals the answer first.
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05-23-2010 03:13 by drew
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Quite a number of women put "Ugh" in their statuses to show the stress and pain of their "situation." To me it almost sounds like you're constipated. "Ugh!! I really don't wanna go to work today, ugh!"
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05-23-2010 02:21 by Danmanz
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My son has been sitting at the computer for so long I almost watered him today..........
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05-23-2010 00:17 by Corey C
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