Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

   Why do men name their penis? They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.

   The 186th rule of Fight Club is there is no such thing as a male BFF...!

   got a new toilet brush, I tried it, but I think I'm going to stick with the paper.

   I think Myspace can be unblocked at work now. Facebook takes up most of my time there anyway.

   Panty lines are so nasty, your a grown a$s woman sh!t put on a thong, g-string, boy shorts, or go panty less if you have too

   i can not take away your storms of life but I can help you dance through the puddles!!!

   wondering why men cheat on the wifey type for a hoe and when they get the hoe they want the wifey type back

   spent yet another day successfully converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.

   what did 50 cent say to his Grandma who was sewing a Sweater ?? Gee-You-Knit !!!!

   The two Garden of Eden rules: 1 Dont eat of the fruit of the tree of good and evil, 2 don't put that thing in her mouth!

   Going to MacDonalds for a Salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

   knows. It doesn't bother me at all. Do I hold any hard feelings? Not at all, ... Life is too short to sit around and hold grudges. I don't hold any whatsoever.

   going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they act up I will just hit them all at once

   If I threw all my problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, I'd grab mines back...

   In Amsterdam, everyone rides a bicycle and no one cares how excited you are to buy marijuana.

   A recent survey showed 65% of Americans can't name a single Supreme Court justice and that's sad because HELLO Judge Judy.

   My life is proof that you can party as a profession.

   I just saw 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the most obvious one was "Shout For Help".

   confused why these stars adopt kids to have other people raise them.