Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5943 of 6446

- Definition of Keyring---A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your f**king keys at once.....
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06-08-2010 14:19 by Y.P
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In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence
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06-08-2010 14:04 by @seddy90
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Bing is a great website, for internet searches. I know this, because I Googled it.

Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny
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06-08-2010 13:52 by @seddy90
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filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
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06-08-2010 13:31 by @seddy90
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attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete... ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.
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06-08-2010 13:19
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found a dead lizard on the back porch...apparently, a reptile dysfunction.

So where are all the "Save the Gulf" concerts? We can send bjillions to Haiti but forget the working folks in the Gulf, eh?
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06-08-2010 12:51
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Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love !
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06-08-2010 12:40
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Why do all Mexican restaurants serve Pepsi and not Coke?
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06-08-2010 12:33 by Leeferd
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
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06-08-2010 11:33 by @seddy90
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Let's say you were to date someone for a few months and then they told you that they were actually " married". Is that considered good news or bad news?

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true
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06-08-2010 10:16 by jz
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You know you're getting old when you no longer buy cereal for the prize but for the fiber content.
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06-08-2010 08:39 by Leeferd
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just written "You have no new messages" on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and thrown it far out to sea.

How much would it suck if your name was really "Ed Hardy"?
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06-08-2010 01:42 by jdpower
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Joran van der Sloot arrested for murder? Wow! If only there were warning signs.
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06-08-2010 01:40 by jdpower
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Justin Bieber is approximately the same diameter as the oil pipe in the Gulf......is anybody thinking what I'm thinking?
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06-08-2010 01:38 by jdpower
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Next for BP: they're going to add balsamic vinegar to the oil; turning the Gulf into a nice vinaigrette.
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06-08-2010 01:36 by jdpower
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Sign of the times when you don't take a newspaper or magazine to the bathroom with you anymore. Instead you take your iPad with you. Be sure to wipe the screen when your done!!!
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06-08-2010 01:31
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